Pillars of Salt and Pillars of Sand

The holiday has definitely gone by too quickly, about as quickly as it depleted my allowance for July. But it was great catching up with everyone, and seeing how things have changed while some things remain ever the same.

I wasn't expecting to attend two wakes though, but in some way, I felt privileged that I could do so. I just hope the two men are hanging in there and coping well.

"Once in your life, if you are very lucky, you will meet a person who divides it. Divides it into the time before you met them and the time after..."

Oh, I did get to see her again. The months have passed, but I still feel exactly the same. I still care as much and as deeply. I guess I am resigned to sitting on the sidelines and watch as she carries on her life without me. While adding someone to my facebook, I realised that we had a mutual friend in her. And when I brought it up, he said 'wow, you guys must be really close!'. I only wish. How do I say that we used to be, but I've become something a little more than a stranger, and a little less than a friend? We used to do everything together, and now, I am pretty contented if I get one SMS from her. That day, while she slept upstairs, and while I napped on the living room floor, it really struck me as to how much we've lost. How did it all come to this?

Now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets that I used to own.

As usual, people have been asking me to move on and forget everything. And of course, I smile and say 'sure, I'll try'. But how on earth do you un-love someone? Or does one just wake up one day and find that one's heart is back in one's chest?

It's not that I haven't tried. It's just that there isn't anyone like she does. When we really first met, there was this, this sensation that this girl was special. And since then, no one else has even come close. Sure, I know better than to put stock in emotions and sensations alone. But my gut usually doesn't fail me.

One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me.